Chinese Food Quickly Becomes Humanity’s Biggest Threat

24 Oct

Loyal readers, the entire internet-capable human race is at war — not with an unjust government or a group of terrorists — but with Chinese Food. Why is that capitalized? Because it’s not the MSG or salt that has everyone up in arms; it’s the latest in a long line of child-starring music videos from Patrice Wilson, otherwise known as “Pato” or “Fat Usher.” Does that name sound familiar? Remember the rapping guy in Friday?  Well, he’s back, and this is his latest piece of…work.

Let that sink in.

Alison Gold isn’t actually new to Wilson’s work. She’s also part of the hippest hippity-hop group that ever did hip-hop!

The subtitles at the bottom of the video inexplicably change from English to German to Russian to Hebrew and there are geisha in the Chinese restaurant.  And of course, who else would be inside the panda suit but Patrice Wilson himself!

“Get me broccoli while I play Monopoly.” They just don’t write lyrics like that anymore. And by that, I mean that no one has ever been stupid enough to write lyrics like that before.

Chinese Food already has over 10.5 million views in about a week and a half, and it doesn’t look to be slowing down. This level of international cooperation for the destruction of evil hasn’t been seen since the second World War.

And now I’m hungry.

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